to this day. Lisbeth
spent her 18th birthday in Winter Haven Hospital Crisis Unit. She has been in and out
of crisis units and hospitals part of every year except two. Just when things seem
to be going along well and she thinks she is going to have a continuing near normal
life, her body chemistry creates chaos again. She was ill while she was pregnant in
late '82 and most of '83 because they could not give her sufficient medication
without fear of damage to the baby. Sometimes, in the early years, since the
medication had serious side effects, but life seemed to be OK, Lisbeth would miss
taking her medicine. Apparently her system is very delicately balanced because
this would start a chain reaction that wound up as a serious crisis period. Later,
since she had to take sleeping medication in addition to heavy doses of her regular
medicines, she would not wake up at medicine time.
The main problem, though,
for the first 12 years, was the sadistic mental abuse heaped on her by Katrina's
father. Why did she keep going back to him? Well, for one thing, Lisbeth is an
extremly loyal person, no matter what. These are the reasons she gave me:
"I need a place to go Mom, nobody else wants me." & "I can't live with you, and
besides, that's my home. All my stuff is there." And later on, after
she allowed her little girl's father's parents to adopt her, "It is the only way I can see
Katrina once in a while, and keep track of how she is doing when I do not see her."
She finally had enough of abuse after her illness became so serious that she spent
three years straight in G. P. Wood Memorial Hospital. She did return twice after that.
He promises her the moon made of gold with a ring around it to get her back, then
promptly starts the abuse again. Both times she left again within a day or two. "I'm
not taking it any more, Mom." The trouble is, she is not always real rational when
this occurs. One time she tried to hitch-hike to a relative's. When she disappears
like this I chew my fingernails till we get her back. Usually she will eventually call
me, and either I or my husband and I go get her.
Living with me is not an option. My
husband of 12 years is as supportive as he can be, but he cannot relate well to Lisbeth.
He has tried. On account of the illness she is too often like a rebellious teenager,
even during the better times. She does not want to spend her life "with my Mother".
She needs and wants her own space. More than that she desparately needs the
kind of love and reassurance, including the physical part, that only a male life
partner could give her. And she keeps actively looking for it.
Here she is on a weekend pass from the Hospital,
approximately '92 or '93.
She almost always puts on a good front, and often tries to make others laugh,
That same day, Lisbeth said "This is how I really feel, Mom."
During severe crises when she becomes paranoid,
the frustration manifests
as irrational anger.
Here she is on the Hospital campus, with her monthly visit Whopper
and that wonderful smile!
Another weekend pass, another time, and a visit wih Grandpa Clark
(who also loved you very much, Lisbeth).
In 1994, Lisbeth met Eddie. Even though not totally well, she had two very happy
years. Seemed like "heaven" to her. Here she is in 1995, in my boathouse,
visiting with her niece. Jamie was on a visit to Grandmom, from Rochester, NY.
A little dim in there, but I can still see her smile and cutting up.
(on my monitor)
St. Valentine's Day, 1996, Eddie threw a HUGE birthday party for Lisbeth.
It was an especially happy day and night.
Eddie and "Mama", as he insists on calling me.
Eddie - Eduardo: he is Hispanic. He does not speak much English. (Lisbeth took
Spanish in High School and now knows more.) He is not
"educated". He was (and is) poor. I like him very much. I like people of any and all
ethnic groups anyway (Rainbow). But Eddie, in spite of his major error, is a very
special guy. Eddie worships the ground Lisbeth walks on. To him she is perfect,
beautiful, "my baby". He took such good care of Lisbeth. He would wake her with
love and a kiss to take her morning medicine. And reminded her at the other times.
He saw that she kept her doctor appointments. In the beginning I took him to an
interpreter friend and explained about Lisbeth's serious illness. A couple months
later, he had to put her in the crisis unit. He went to see her every visiting day. He
said to me, "Lissabeth mucho loco, but I love. She com a home, no go horspittal
more. Nada. My LOVE make her well." More important, every single day
he would tell her how beautiful she was, and how much he loved her. And I mean
Like I said, he is poor. He wanted money to do more for
Lisbeth. In July, 1996, he delivered something he should not have for a "friend"
and for money. Turns out he was the "fall guy". He now has another three years
to be away before he can return to caring for Lisbeth.
Lisbeth made it living on her own until January 1997. She refused to leave the
little old house they had shared together. I called her three times a day for her
medications, provided transportation to the doctor, etc., and visited at her home
several times a week. I took her to visit Eddie about once a month. She kept saying
he was innocent and would be home after "court in January". Of course he could
not come home. At the same time, Lisbeth became toxic to one of her medications
that January. The combination was way too much for her delicately balanced body
chemistry. From January to July, '97, she was in the crises unit so many times
that the record shows she was out of the hospital only 80 days! Because of
her talents and courage, the hospital staff kept trying. In July, they had to give up
and send her for long term care at G.P. Wood Memorial Hospital. She endangered
herself or others too many times.
(very seriously, like
walking down middle of Highway, or leaving the oven and all the burners on all day.
I barely caught it in time.)
Eddie writes to her and to me. He sends cards.
He is very remorseful
and has promised that when he returns he will "take care of Lisbeth the rest of my life".
I pray this will be so, and that it will not be too late for Lisbeth.
September, 1999: As of this update Lisbeth has been in the hospital for two
years this time. Throughout the first year she was on suicide watch. She just got
so discouraged and at that time felt she could not stand to cope with the disease
any more, even with medication. She lost so much weight due to refusal to eat, that
at one point, the bones in her neck and shoulder were too prominent.
She has rallied. She is "waiting for Eddie". She is not well, and has to cope
with the "voices" that she knows are not of her own volition, but due to the abnormal
electrical discharges, even though on heavy medication. Sometimes she slurs
her speech - from the medication, and knows it. But, unfortunately the medication
is necessary to keep her able to function at all, even in the hospital setting.
I have had a difficult time lately, staying together, when I visit. She has said to
me "don't worry Mom, I am OK. God and Goddess chose this path for me and I
just have to make the best of it." Part of taking herself into a fantasy world is
deliberate. It is an escape, and a way to cope with the disease. She always
manages to pull herself together for an hour or two so we can have a visit. If you
could see how much she appreciates the visits, and just little things, like a bag of
Fritos, you would visit, and take a small gift too.
Lisbeth site updated, new counter started 05/06/03
Please click on the logo below to learn the Facts
about physical brain disorders.
Created with Love
February 9, 1999
Thank you e(verybodys)webtribe for providing this page for Lisbeth.